Practical support and emotional guidance for navigating flare days, guilt, and modeling resilience
Written by Dr. Antonia Repollet
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Certified School Psychologist
GI Psychology
Being a parent is one of life’s most demanding—and rewarding—roles. Add a chronic illness like Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) into the mix, and things can feel especially heavy. As a psychologist and a parent living with IBD myself, I understand the delicate balance of managing unpredictable symptoms, caring for your body, and still wanting to show up for your kids in the ways that matter most.
There are days when I feel strong, playful, and present—and days when a flare, fatigue, or GI discomfort makes even the smallest tasks feel overwhelming. If you’re navigating the emotional weight of guilt, the physical exhaustion of flare days, or the mental gymnastics of planning every outing around a bathroom—know that you’re not alone.
In this post, I’ll share evidence-based strategies and gentle reflections to help you show up for your kids and for yourself.
Redefine What “Showing Up” Looks Like
We often equate being a “good parent” with constant energy, activities, or doing everything ourselves. But research on secure attachment (Bowlby, 1988; Lundahl, 2009) reminds us that what kids need most is attunement, emotional presence, and repair—not perfection.
On tough days, showing up might look like:
- Lying on the couch while your child colors next to you
- Narrating your needs: “Mommy’s belly hurts today, so I need to rest. I’m still here with you.”
- Asking for help with meals, pickups, or rest breaks
By modeling self-awareness and boundaries, you’re teaching your kids resilience and compassion—whether you’re running around the park or curled up with a heating pad.
Guilt Is Normal—But It’s Not the Full Story
Parental guilt is common. Chronic illness guilt? That’s next-level. You may grieve the energy you don’t have or the things you feel like you’re missing. But guilt is often a signal that you care—not that you’re failing.
Try this reframing:
“I’m not falling short—I’m recalibrating how I love and care within the capacity I have right now.”
You might also explore this with a therapist using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which helps increase psychological flexibility and reduce shame associated with chronic illness (Graham et al., 2016).
Anticipate Flare Days—and Build in Support
Whether you live with Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis, you probably know your flare warning signs. Rather than bracing for them in silence, create a proactive flare day plan:
- Prep a flare-day activity box with calm activities kids can do independently
- Create a script to explain symptoms to kids in age-appropriate ways
- Outsource one task: Ask a partner, friend, or neighbor to handle one thing during hard days (groceries, drop-off, dinner, etc.)
This not only eases the pressure—it helps your kids feel secure, not scared, when routines change.
Normalize Rest and Self-Care—Out Loud
It’s one thing to rest—it’s another to let your child see you rest without shame.
Say things like:
- “My body needs rest right now, and that’s how I take care of it.”
- “Everyone’s body is different. Mine works a little harder sometimes.”
You’re not just surviving. You’re modeling self-advocacy, body awareness, and emotional honesty—lessons your children will carry into adulthood.
Celebrate Resilience—Together
Chronic illness can make you feel like your body is the obstacle between you and the parent you want to be. But what if you also recognized it as the teacher?
Let your children see your strength in how you bounce back, ask for help, create joy in simple moments, and keep showing up.
Talk openly (as appropriate) about medical appointments, how you’re feeling, and the things you’re working on. You can even co-create rituals for when you’re feeling better—“When mommy feels up for it, let’s do a walk together”—to reinforce that flares are temporary, and connection endures.
Final Thoughts
Parenting with IBD isn’t about pushing through pain or hiding your struggle. It’s about learning to trust your rhythms, make space for imperfection, and hold both challenge and joy at once.
By caring for yourself, you’re not stepping away from your kids—you’re stepping into the most sustainable, compassionate version of parenthood. And that version is more than enough.
Looking for more support?
At GI Psychology, we help parents living with IBD build coping tools, manage guilt, and develop customized mind-body strategies for flare days. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to learn more.
References
Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
Graham, C. D., Gouick, J., Krahé, C., & Gillanders, D. (2016a). A systematic review of the use of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) in chronic disease and long-term conditions. Clinical Psychology Review, 46, 46–58.
Lundahl, B. (2009). D. J. Siegel, M. Hartzell: Parenting from the inside out: How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive. Clinical Social Work Journal, 37(3), 262–263.